Fortysomethings and Hawkshead clothes

If you haven’t already succumbed to the delights of the aforementioned catalogue, don’t worry, you will. For inconsiderable sums of money you can find yourself lost in a world of odd-shaped cagoules, walking socks, bobble hats and seriously practical jumpers, while Kendal Mint Cake is on offer to give you that elusive Chris Bonnington moment. Photos of happy and attractive fortysomethings sitting on dry stone walls in fluffy body warmers having thermos Cup-a-Soups only re-awaken primal and bucolic urges until now buried under the weight of family and career. And you can try it all on in the privacy of your own home without the embarrassment of entering Milletts and feeling everyone is whispering ‘elasticated plastic trousers’ to you.

It’s easy to convince yourself that (in the words of the copywriter) these elasticated gaiters are ‘timeless’ and ‘classic’, mainly because they have never been in fashion and have probably been seen by nauseated sheep in the Lake District for longer than they care to remember. But do bear in mind that you will only ever wear these clothes in a local recreation ground and everyone will look at you and your partner in matching cerise nylon ponchos and Alpine boots and wonder if you know something about global warming that they don’t. You, of course, will tell yourself that this is only the start. Expect to trade up before too long to Land’s End and wear stylish Hyannis Port yachting shorts and pasty-like loafers for a visit to Southwold.

Top ten Hawkshead items
for fortysomethings
Packable trousers
Alpine gilet
Polar fleece
Alpine boots
Body warmer
Weekender socks
Fleece gaiters
Trek shoes
Nylon poncho
Farmhouse chutney