फोर्टysomethings ऎंड ग्ठे इनने

We’re part of the generation that put the permissive into society and that’s been taught to want everything now. But we’re also adults, parents, employees and responsible members of society. How do we square the two? The answer is, of course, that we don’t.

What we do have instead is a constant dialogue between our sensible inner adult and the untrammelled child/narcissist/hedonist that won’t take no for an answer. Our inner grown-up has a voice that’s a cross between an irritating life coach and one of those even more irritating but sensible British Rail pre-recorded safety announcements. We know what they’re saying makes sense, but would prefer to ignore them at our peril. There’s a vast range of situations where these conversations are never-ending and we just know this one will run and run.

Mid-life crisis
Inner Adult: You don’t think buying a brand new Harley Davidson is a rather obvious way of saying ‘I’m having a major mid-life crisis’?
You: Er, I thought it was better than buying a 4 x 4 and saying ‘I’m contributing to the environmental crisis.’ I think David Cameron should be rather proud of me.

Drinking too much
Inner Adult: It’s never sensible at your age to drink too much. Unlike twenty-year-olds, it takes you much longer to recover from the night before.
You: Well, I’m drinking much more slowly than I used to and this must be medically better, it stands to reason.

Pension
Inner Adult: You do realise you should be saving a greater proportion of your income now if you have any hope of a decently funded old age?
You: Er, I’m hoping to sell my old Syd Barrett LPs on e-Bay, alright. One of them was signed by his next-door neighbour.

Top Shop
Inner Adult: You don’t seriously think a range of clothes designed for size zero teenage models will fit you?
You: I can wear my daughter’s smock as a pashmina for one arm.

Fifty Quid Bloke in HMV
Inner Adult: Don’t you think it’s a bit profligate spending this amount of money every week on CDs and DVDs you don’t really need?
You: I don’t know how you can say this about Van der Graaf Generator’s unfairly ignored second album now available in triple gate folded de-luxe imported edition.

Office Christmas Party
Inner Adult: Is it sensible at your age to stand next to the photocopier wearing a Donna Summer disco glitter wig, and without any trousers, when you know someone is going to try and photocopy your genitals.
You: I tried to join the group discussing conditions on the M25 but they crowded me out, honest.

Being childless
Inner Adult: Doesn’t it worry you that still partying and leaving having children until your mid-forties is much too late?
You: No. At least I’ll be able to discuss the Scissor Sisters with them.

Middle England
Inner Adult: Isn’t it about time you settled down in a green and leafy place and expected everyone to listen to you as the representative voice of Britain?
You: I’d rather just watch Grumpy Old Men and Women and thank God I’m not a ranting loony yet, if that’s alright with you.

Work
Inner Adult: You should have a career action plan and work at your CV on a regular basis.
You: I did recently dress my Beanie Baby in Armani with matching briefcase. I think that was a good start, don’t you?

Parenting advice
Inner Adult: Listen to Supernanny and you might get some good tips. It looks like you could do with them.
You: I know that whatever I’m doing I’m probably doing it all wrong, but at least I’ll only have one person to blame, OK?