There’s an unwritten assumption that by your advanced age you should be a fully signed-up member of this. Membership permits you to have certain inalienable rights and beliefs that are totally non-negotiable and everyone else should abide by them or else you will just have to send Simon Heffer around to give them a good seeing to.
You are expected to believe that:
· Judi Dench is a national treasure and has never made a bad film or appeared in a duff play.
· Antiques Roadshow says something about your inner psyche.
· Let them tamper with the Shipping News over your dead body.
· The BBC is Marxist.
· Jane Austen and the Vicar of Dibley are fully signed up members too.
· My Family is a situation comedy.
· The State should stop being nanny-like except when it comes to making sure that young people, gays, women and gypsies know that they are only really honorary members of society and should stop making a fuss.
· The Sixties are when Britain’s moral decline started.
· Anything else can be explained by mothers going to work.
· If you wave a copy of the Daily Mail at someone they will magically understand and apologise for being inadequate.
· You would like to carry around Lynn Truss in your handbag and she should correct the spelling of graffiti artists too while she’s at it.
· Ideally the National Trust should take over the running of the country and issue everyone with compulsory scented drawer liners.
So do you want to sign up, or don’t you?
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