Don’t worry: nostalgia is a perfectly normal emotion at your age. You are expected to have distinct memories that can be easily triggered by all kinds of things, which may be rich, evocative or embarrassing, although chiefly the latter in your case. It’s true that many of your nostalgic memories are from the seventies and eighties, but just see this as terribly bad luck.
Remember …
Blue Peter: Whatever happened to the wonderful world of sticky-backed plastic, advent candle coat-hanger holders and tins with pipe spills? No, please don’t tell us – it’s too distressing. Or remind us where you were when Petra died.
Smash Hits: Jason. Kylie. Wham. Bananarama. More innocent times when everyone had pores and wore bandanas and it was OK.
Top of the Pops: Never the same once Pan’s People stopped dancing in unsuitable crotch-hugging hot pants made from old curtains that your dad liked watching.
Family holidays: When everyone went on a package holiday to Spain, while being advised to take water purifying tablets with them, and brought back bullfighting posters as presents.
Smash: Was it just you, or did Smash always taste more like real potato than the real thing?
Colour spectrum: This seemed simpler too: orange and brown in the seventies, while in the eighties we moved on to neon lime and jaundice lemon.
The Establishment: Remember that? At least people then didn’t have any illusions that there was such a thing as a ‘classless’ society and Che Guevara wasn’t advertising Smirnoff.
Feminism: At least when feminists reminded us that it was a ‘patriarchal, male-dominated, sexist society’ you didn’t have to worry about the conundrum of post-feminism and Jordan.
Sex: The Joy of Sex made it seem a lot less troublesome, knowing that if you didn’t follow the bearded man and the instructions below it would just be about the propagation of the species and something rather biological – as with your parents, of course.
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